Reconnecting and Rewiring: How We Change Habits
By: Campbell Owen, LMFT-A
With each new year comes plenty of talk about the things people want to do differently in the upcoming year. As therapists we talk about change daily and regularly see a renewed interest around this time each year. We often see much less discussion about HOW we go about making these changes. While a set of goals, a general plan, and enthusiasm are a great start, they don’t always lead to meaningful, lasting change. I will drop a few tips below to help us achieve the goals we want to achieve this year.
Tip 1: Play to your strengths
Think of recent examples where you achieved a goal. How did you do it? How did you hold yourself accountable? Some people find it useful to reward themselves along the way and some need constant reminders to stay on track. Find ways to support yourself and maintain focus on your goals that are helpful to you. If you know creating a detailed plan won’t help you take the steps necessary, why not try something new? If your goals have a hard time getting off the ground, act like a scientist! Really analyze why that is and think of what variables you can change that might produce a different outcome. If it doesn’t work, don’t get dismayed, try something new!
Tip 2: Incorporate your people
We all have support systems, whether it’s friends, family, or even a neighbor. If they can help keep you on track and focused on your goal, they can help! It can be awkward to ask people for help especially if you’re chasing a personal goal, but that discomfort can be a useful motivational tool. When you feel the motivation slacking, it can be helpful to have a supportive voice reminding us why we should keep going. The more often we see someone, the more they can remind us of the importance of what we are doing.
If you have or believe you have ADHD / ADD, try inviting someone along on your journey. Many individuals with ADHD / ADD find that “body doubling” or performing tasks near someone performing similar tasks helps the individual maintain focus and productivity. Here is an example of that in action. Jimmy has ADHD and needs to write an essay. He struggles to make progress by himself, however he noticed when he works quietly next to his friend Kenny, who is also writing an essay, he is able to maintain focus and get much more done. It is important to note that if your friend / “body double” is a distraction and would rather talk than write, it is likely it won’t help much so who you work with is important.
Tip 3: Be Realistic
While major changes and lofty goals are admirable, if they aren’t attainable, they aren’t helpful. By being "realistic”, you set yourself up for success. Whether it’s a work emergency or life just getting in the way, you will at some point likely need to adjust your plan. Setting attainable, sequential goals helps you pay attention to your progress in a way that rewards small steps and isn’t thrown off when life happens.
I hope these tips are helpful and if you’d like more information, feel free to send me a message using our website!
